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God is All knowing and lives in the magical Fortress - I gotta warn ya, im a screamer

About God is All knowing and lives in the magical Fortress

Previous Entry God is All knowing and lives in the magical Fortress May. 6th, 2004 @ 02:49 pm Next Entry
Today I pose a very difficult question, if God is all knowing does he live in a magical fortress? Speculation would reveal that the answer to this would be no, for if God is all knowing he would know that his fortress is worthless in modern warfare, due to stealth fighters and the smart bombs, which I do not doubt would penetrate into his magical fortress. Also does the magical fortress by neccesity have a mote and if so what is the mote filled with? Perhaps water or lava, but I like to thtink it is filled with canabalistic midgets. Perhaps though his fortress lies on some distant plane of existence far away from our own, but I still think the smart bomb could get there and penetrate the fortress...I mean does not the name imply its power...smart bomb. Tell me your theories on the magical fortress, how it could be penetrated and what the moat is filled with and if I like your answer, we shall go out on a magical night of dinner for three, you me and my date, and you shall pay and be the third wheel. No purchase neccisary, see contract rules, care of Magical fortress contest, 4500 Titties strret, Lincoln, Nebraska, 78790
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From:elrumblefish
Date:May 6th, 2004 01:51 pm (UTC)
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His fortress can only be penetrated by what God hates the most. Liberals, jews and hippies. Luckily he has sent his servants, Rick Perry and Tom DeLay, to guard his majestic throne hall, so that all good conservatives can go there when they die, get babtized, cook hamburgers, mow their lawns and drink Miller beer.
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From:generall84
Date:May 6th, 2004 03:29 pm (UTC)
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Adam while your answer is very relevant and propably true...hmmm. you still have forgoten the key element the Smart bombs. Even Tom Delay can not stop a smart bomb, and you never adressed the mote, so until these are adressed I can not let you be the third wheel on a date with me.
From:elrumblefish
Date:May 6th, 2004 10:19 pm (UTC)
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In concern to your mote, I would like to first point out that it's spelled moat. But seriously, you can't build a moat in heaven, it's against the housing district agreement. You know, people pay good money to have a nice looking neighborhood, and they don't need no fuddy duddies around in heyah.

As for the smart bombs, my friend you cannot fight fire with fire. Only the power a very, very stupid person can repel such a weapon.....hrmm.....
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From:anotherbrooke
Date:May 6th, 2004 05:01 pm (UTC)

FOX??

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why hasn't he cursed the hateful john kerry with leprosy??

i hate kerry. he is a putz. icghhtch!

One question: How in the hell is Kerry getting as much support as he is now? I've been watching this jackoff since his first debate on TV, and all I have seen him do is bad-mouth the current President. All this liberal shithead does is slam Bush. What about his plans? How will he make it better? I'm sick and fucking tired of seeing this guy on TV blabbering on about dumb shit that has nothing to do with him taking office. The latest thing I've seen is him saying that Bush is not giving our boys/girls in Iraq enough "body armor". Their poor families are having to, listen up, buy their offspring armor and ship it to Iraq. what the HELL???? He had the chance to vote FOR body armor (yes, all be it, paid for by the govt) but NOOOOOOOO he voted against it in the first place, but now IF THEY CAN AFFORD IT the families can send it to their loved ones? Where the hell does he get this info from? He finds the stupidest shit to harp on. I hate liberals with a passion. Are there really that many STUPID ASS PEOPLE IN TE WORLD?!?!?! Another thing....what is this shit about throwing his medals? first he did, then he didnt, then he threw someone elses medals, now he also threw his RIBBONS, which apparently he confused with his medals.....this guy is a fucking LIAR and should never be allowed in the room as Bush....much less the same election. I wouldnt elect this guy to the SCHOOL BOARD! AAAAAAAAHG!

sorry for the non-PC statement there but i had to get that out of my system. I hate that man.

sorry for the non-PC statement there but i had to get that out of my system.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:May 6th, 2004 05:28 pm (UTC)

Re: FOX??

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dont worry brooke he will change his mind in a couple of days and you will like him more. oh wait! that hasn't worked for me.....i can't stand him either! i dont like what hes says even when he tries to cover up i mean change i mean lie about what he said before. ooooo democrats buuuuugggg me. What's black and brown and looks good on a Democrat? A Doberman
-kate u
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From:generall84
Date:May 6th, 2004 08:28 pm (UTC)

Re: FOX??

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I think that what you said was facinating and vry true Brooke, however the question, was if god is all knowing does hje live in amagical fortress, So while I like your response, I cannot as of yet award you the fun date of three where you will be paying if you win said contest. However should you incorperate John Kerry in the attack some how and lets say make his enternal organs be the fluid for the more...then we can talk, but until then, no awkward date for you!
love the brooke...and the kate
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From:anotherbrooke
Date:May 6th, 2004 10:45 pm (UTC)

Re: FOX??

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if he is all knowing then, of course, he doesnt live in a magical fortress.....he planted JOHN FREAKING KERRY in the magical fortress and asked him to house sit - all the while letting donald rumsfeld know of his ingenious plan and therefore insuring that the smart bombs would, of course, cross the mote and smash through the bathroom window and smear JOHN FREAKIN KERRY (all the while turning his internal organs into a liquidy mush) across the white tile floor!
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From:joseph_shrike
Date:May 6th, 2004 07:23 pm (UTC)
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I think that the 'smart' in smart bombs will be no match for magic. I mean it is fucking magic, and magic is..well, magically. So even though a normal fortress is outdated, the fact that said fortress is magical will negate the futuristic technology. That said, the moat is obviously filled with the failed unexploded smart bombs that fell victum to the fortress' magic. And, as Conan The Destroyer taught us, the only way to defeat magic is with other magic. But, at the same time, the teaching of Obi Wan Kenobi tells us that there is no magic, only the Force.

So in recap, God's magical fortress is magical. The only way to beat magic is with magic. But there is no magic, only the Force. Therefore, God's fortress is impregnable.
From:kayleigh13
Date:May 6th, 2004 08:24 pm (UTC)
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That's what I was going to say! Except without Conan and the Force.

No smart bomb can beat the magic, man. And there's got to be Easy Cheese in the moat.
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From:generall84
Date:May 6th, 2004 08:30 pm (UTC)
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But the Smart bombs would know to avoid the said easy cheese, for they know better than to play around in old cheese, where God knows where its been, and what it would do to there circuits, I mean COME ON! They learn that in day one of smart bomb school, back when they were only ignorant bombs.
From:kayleigh13
Date:May 7th, 2004 07:49 am (UTC)
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No school can prepare you for 92,000 cubic tons of easy cheese.
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From:generall84
Date:May 7th, 2004 10:14 am (UTC)
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Easy cheese, as said earlier could not be prepared for, but it can be avoided with knowledge of both TV and VCR repair.
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From:generall84
Date:May 6th, 2004 08:26 pm (UTC)

Magic ay?

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Well I do like how your mote is filled with smart bombs, this is clever, but magic does not negate intelegence case in point Willy Wonka a man clearly without supernatural powers, but obviously endowed with a massive intelegence and a like mindedness for business, clearly had conquered and defeated the oopma lumpas that with their magic make the candy so god damn delicious. Its like an orgy in my mouth. Therefor who is to say willy wonka did not create said smart bombs...Willy wonka is now also a jedi...for convenience sake.
From:elrumblefish
Date:May 6th, 2004 10:22 pm (UTC)
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Not only that, but willy wonka didn't need a moat to keep people out of that forkin chocolate factory. That place was like pittsburg, you just don't go near it.
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From:mattchufatt
Date:May 6th, 2004 10:22 pm (UTC)
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The answer to your question is quite obvious and tautological. Your question (if God is all knowing does he live in a magical fortress?) since you're question is predicated on the assumption that God is all knowing, then the true question is, what does God know that we do not? The answer to your question is, if God lives in the magical fortress, then the magical fortress is obviously the safest place for God to be. With infinite knowledge, the smartness of the bomb will be infinitely lacking in comparison, thus they ain't no thang to God. Not only would God know when the Smart Bombs are coming, he would know how to protect himself from damage. Furthermore since God has infinite knowledge, he will know the secret to eternal life, eternal youth, invincibility, invisibility, flight, how to defeat the ogre in level 8, and naturally bomb diffusion. So really, I am brought to the question why is God in a fortress at all? What a pussy. This God is infinitely powerful and hiding in His fortress like some Islamic dictator. He should be playing baseball with these smart bombs...or eating them or something. What happened to the God that didn't mind raining down some fire and brimstone? What happened to the God that stepped to people and said, "you sacrifice your son or your ass is mine!"? Thats taken from a very rare translation...They're still not sure if He was refering to the guys buttocks or his donkey he rode in on. In conclusion, God is all knowing, so it doesn't matter where he lives and if he lives in a fortress, he is a big pussy.
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From:generall84
Date:May 7th, 2004 07:28 am (UTC)
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Dear Contestant,
While I appreciate that God could POTENTIALLY block the smart bombs. We can only assume that the God of today is in fact an Islamic dictator. Therefore he fears the smart bombs like my roomate Matt fears dust, this fear is without limit, and Willy Wonka is a very very clever man, so he would know that God knew he was sending the smart bombs, but he wanted him to know that he knew that God knew about the smart bombs. So he put the smart bombs through an extra 2 days of schooling in which he gave such cources as Avoiding Godly fireballs, Brimstone dodging, and of course TV and VCR repair. With such a vast array of knowledge even God with his infinite knowledge and magical fortress is no match for the limited power and limited knowledge of these smart bombs, which have completed two years in vocational school, and can speek French
From:kayleigh13
Date:May 7th, 2004 07:48 am (UTC)
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Willy Wonka has more important things to do than send smart bombs to God. Scrumdiddlyumptious bars don't just make themselves, you know.
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From:generall84
Date:May 7th, 2004 10:15 am (UTC)
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Well, Idi Amiin had more important things to do than canabalize his populace and did that stop him....NO
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From:mattchufatt
Date:May 7th, 2004 08:14 am (UTC)
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and finally you unknowingly reveal the fatal flaw in your precious smart bombs. these smart bombs of yours are french and thus of absolutely no military value what-so-ever.
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From:mattchufatt
Date:May 7th, 2004 08:18 am (UTC)

oh..........

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and Islamic dictators are most certainly not scared of anything french...

...game bitches
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From:generall84
Date:May 7th, 2004 10:18 am (UTC)

Re: oh..........

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First of all the Smart Bombs are not French, they know French, they simply attended two years of voational school, and while you are right that no Islamic dictator would fear something French, have we already forgotten that Willy Wonka is now a jedi knight? Yes thank you Joe, and with said JEdi powers, he could remove the cursed French cancer from their smart bomb bodies, and we all know that said dictators fear all with the knowledge of TV and VCR repair.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:May 8th, 2004 10:03 am (UTC)
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The one thing that you have all overlooked here is this: God is not human and therefore is not harmable. I mean he battled Satan, the mother of all evil, and look who turned out on top? These smart bombs, although very dangerous in our human world, are no match to all of the evil powers of Satan. If God can battle Satan and kick his ass like it was nothing, then these said "smart bombs" are going to be like the flies that land on him that he just flicks right off. They are nothing more than a nuisance to him. God my friends, is the magical fortress.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:May 8th, 2004 10:06 am (UTC)
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And like I always forget to do, I once again forgot to leave my name on that last post.

-Kat
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From:generall84
Date:May 8th, 2004 04:28 pm (UTC)
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That was the most boring response ever. Come up with something funnier, if you wanna go on a date with me
From:elrumblefish
Date:May 8th, 2004 12:33 pm (UTC)
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I officially declare this...fuckin' stupid.

The end.
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From:generall84
Date:May 8th, 2004 04:28 pm (UTC)
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Dude, where the F^*( is my handjob??
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